It’s that time of year to talk about making plans for change. If you want to make changes, you’ll have to figure out where you are. That means assessing your score on not just how far you’ve come, but where you can use a little more attention. Usually when we think about our shortcomings, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-flagellation. Instead of beating yourself up over what you couldn’t get done, a more helpful way to reframe your attention is to consider where and why you lost control. Where can you use more self-regulation or willpower? Where can you use some more steering?
What I’m going to say next might be a bit shocking. When you take the step back to assess where you need more willpower or self-control – say, less time on the couch and more time at the gym – don’t think of it in terms of time. You need to stop time managing. It just leads to burn out. When you see that you haven’t met some of your goals, think about why. Is it really because you spent too much time on the couch? Or you drink too many beers? Or is it really because you have some undusted thoughts and beliefs around what it means to go to the gym?
Think about it seriously for just a second. What beliefs do you have around going to the gym? “It takes too much time, it’s too cold, it’s so far away, it’s too much energy invested… It’s much more comfortable to sit at home and sip a cold beer… I never get enough time for myself… I’ve already worked 12 hours today, I just want some time for myself…” With this mindset, getting yourself to go to the gym will be like pulling teeth.
You “should/must/ought to.” These words don’t serve you. Throw them out. Instead, when you’re considering where you could use more willpower, think instead where you can use reprioritization. If staying healthy or fit isn’t a good enough reason for you to get up an hour early to lift some weights, think about your other whys. What does it mean for you to get stronger, faster, more determined? What will that bring? Whose lives will you change? How will you feel then? – That’s right. Hold on to that feeling. Then, meeting your goals isn’t about heaving and yanking a stubborn horse to water, it’s about getting on the horse and riding it to where you want to go. You have to know what you’re really after. Then, self-regulation follows naturally.
1. Write down your goals for next week, month, or year.
2. Then write down stumbling blocks and barriers that are sure to come your way. Have a plan B. What will you do if those barriers come up?
3. The third step is critical. Go back to your goals. What are you really after when you say you want those goals? How is it that you really want to feel? Why? When you feel the magic happen in your core, that’s when you know you’ve hit jackpot. BUT! It doesn’t end there my friends. For each goal, do the 7 layers deep exercise to get to your real underlying motivations. Knowing your real motivations is what gets you from pushing (and burn out) to being pulled towards your better self.
4. Finally, look again at your barriers. Do they seem as tall or substantial as they did before? They won’t. This is the power of digging deep. Looking within. Finding your power.
Ready to try the 7 Layers Deep Exercise to find your real motivation?
Contact Me if you’re ready to create the change you’ve been waiting for.
You need to live YOUR life. No one else can, or ever will. Don’t waste your gift. #SingularPresence